My Struggle With Anxiety
My Struggle With Anxiety
by Markey Motsinger
Can I just say I hate anxiety? I hate it and all the things at the root of the ugly beast. Most people wouldn’t even know I struggle with it, but as I sit here with my stomach in knots, I can feel its presence even when no-one else can see it.
I guess you could say I have functioning anxiety. It shows up in a couple of different forms. The biggest one is sleepless nights. My first dance with anxiety came right after I had my first daughter. I couldn’t sleep, and everyone kept telling me it was normal. But it wasn’t. My daughter was sleeping 6 hours, yet I would lay there staring at the ceiling listening to my husband snore. I tried Ambien, and 2 hours later I was wide awake with tears streaming down my face because I just wanted to sleep. What was happening to me? Could I be anxious? I didn’t feel anxious. Most of all, I didn’t want it to be anxiety. I kept thinking, “I am a Christian.”, “I am a pastor’s wife.”, and “I have a great husband.” What did I have to be anxious about?
Anxiety doesn’t always make sense. I had to get over my fear of what others would think. I started taking anxiety medication, and guess what? I started sleeping.
Even though I don’t take them any longer, I still deal with anxiety sporadically. Now that I have wrestled with it, I see it poke through in several situations. I know it’s hitting me when I stop enjoying the current moment because I’m worried about the next. I also write “To Do” lists, but instead of just writing them, I compulsively check the list and then rechecking. I write and then rewrite the list multiple times.
Your Turn…
At some point we will all struggle with anxiety. Some of us will be able to cope easily, others lives will be altered forever. It’s never something to be ashamed of, and it’s definitely not something to run away from.
You too may feel that you shouldn’t be feeling a certain way, but sometimes we aren’t given a choice. What we are given a choice about is whether we will let people in to help us. Doctors, friends, family, and mentors can help us move forward with love and encouragement.
Anxiety isn’t easy. It’s can also be extremely frustrating. Ask why we have it won’t solve anything, but asking for help move us towards healing.
Resources:
I haven’t got a change to read it yet but this sounds like a great book if you deal with anxiety!
Get Out Of Your Head by Jennie Allen
Hi there! I’m Markey! I’m inviting you to pull up a chair and join me in this thing called life. With me, you won’t find much fluff, but you will find an ordinary, girl who craves authenticity and Jesus. Visit me here to read my blog or grab some free Bible studies and reading plans.
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